CHAPTER NINE: GROUP DYNAMICS

Building Relationships And Creating Community

Belonging is a primary issue of young adolescents. With the onset of puberty, young adolescents experience a myriad of changes involving their physical, social, intellectual, emotional and spiritual dimensions. In the midst of all these changes, they struggle with the paradox of wanting to be “different, just like everybody else!” They want to exert a sense of independent identity while simultaneously needing to be valued as part of the parish. They are no longer children and do not want to be treated as such. And they are also not yet adults, and should not be expected to act like adults. In fact, they are not even yet high school adolescents. They need to be valued for just who they are – young adolescents! As “church” we need to help young adolescents know they are important to us. If we hope to experience young adolescents as the “church leaders of tomorrow” we need to actively engage them as important church members today. Young adolescents very much “long to belong” and will search to belong somewhere – let us strive to help them belong within our Church! Young adolescents will believe they truly belong within our Church when they feel they are acknowledged, accepted, respected, needed, and supported as valuable members of the parish community.

The following strategies will help you build relationships with and among the young adolescents, and build bridges between the adolescents and the adult community of the parish.

¨ Know them by name. An individual’s name is one of his or her most personal attributes. Learn the names of the young people so you can address them in this personal way. Nametags can be a tool for learning names, but are not favorite items of young adolescents. At the beginning of a program season or class. take a picture of youth in groups with their friends, and label it with their names. These can provide a means for learning both names and current friendship connections.

¨ Show an interest in them. Find out what the young people are interested and involved in beyond church. When you see them, ask about specific activities which are of interest to them. Be aware of upcoming or recent special events such as tournaments, concerts, school projects or family celebrations, and mention them in conversations.

¨ Become a learner. Allow young adolescents to teach you about their interests. Let them explain the “finer points” of their favorite sport or hobby – ask questions that allow them to share their knowledge and “expertise.” Also take the time to learn about the stresses, hopes and challenges they face through their eyes The fastest way to learn is to ask them to teach you!

¨ Show a presence. Meet them on their turf, especially beyond the church. Surprise them by showing up at a sporting event or activity in which they are participating just to show your support and encouragement. When you see them around the church. make a point of saying “Hellol” whether in the parking lot or at coffee hour. And especially greet them away from church at the grocery store, bus stop, library, bowling alley or wherever you might see them.

¨ Provide compliments and affirmations. Look for opportunities to affirm them for who they are, for what they do positively, and also for how they look. We all know what you look like is not as important as who you are, but to, a young adolescent appearances are an important expression of their “independent identity.” Comment on their new haircut or shirt, but make sure you focus on the positive, and are sincere and appropriate with your compliment. Remember, it means a lot to them simply that you notice.

¨ Be accepting. Provide understanding when things go wrong as an assurance that they are not rejected, not stupid and not alone – all of which they may be feeling in an awkward situation. These are the moments we can help them learn that who       they are is more important to us than whatever they just did. It is an opportunity to remind them that they really do belong, even through the rough times.

¨ Create contacts. Actively reach out to young adolescents to let them know you care and want them involved. Send them postcards, notes, newsletters and birthday cards. It may be a congratulatory note on a recent accomplishment, a “We missed you” card when they have been gone, or a “Good luck” wish for exam week. Call them on the telephone – it is one of their favorite “new toys” after all! And do not call only when you need something from them, also call just to ask how. they are doing, or, to offer support.

¨ Create conversation. Engage young adolescents in conversation by asking “open” questions rather than ones answered by “yes” or “no.”       Usually questions that begin with how, what or why will invite the adolescent to share their thoughts, feelings and opinions. Ask them about things that are important or of interest to them not necessarily you. Invite them to talk about movies they have recently seen, or activities they have participated in, or about current issues in the media that are hot topics. Remember you are hoping to create connectedness, not alienate them in the process, so avoid sounding overly probing with too many questions. Gauge the length and depth of conversation by the comfort level of the young person, and always be sincere.

¨ Ask opinions and advice. Asking what they think and how they feel, and then including their opinion in decisions lets them know they are respected. When asking for a decision, sometimes it helps to give them two options (both of which are appropriate) and let them decide together which one. For example, ask “Should we use crepe paper or balloons as decorations for the dance?” Simply asking “How should we decorate?” leaves too many options and can seem overwhelming.

¨ Put them first. When interacting with young adolescents, put them first by putting yourself in their shoes and understanding their preferences. When driving a carpool, let them listen to their radio station. (You may learn a lot by talking with them about what you hear!) Let them suggest the video (within appropriate limits), play their favorite games, and plan meals based on what they would like to eat.

¨ Create a welcoming atmosphere. The space in which young adolescents meet should be as youth-friendly as possible. Involve young adolescents in determining what would help them feel comfortable and at ease. It may be as simple as a radio playing their favorite station, some appropriate wall posters that they help choose, some indoor recreation equipment to encourage playful interaction, or some favorite snacks to munch on during informal social time.

¨ Provide hospitality. Hospitality needs to include both attitude and action. Provide a means of greeting young adolescents when they arrive for all programs, whether for a class, an outing, or the parish Sunday Liturgy. Imagine what it would be like if someone were at the door to conscientiously say “Hello, glad to see you!” to all the young people entering the church. Hospitality also includes the offering of refreshment. Does your after-Mass coffee hour include chips and pop for the youth? If it is a “hospitality” time it ought to include something for all members of the community, otherwise the message to young adolescents is “You don’t really belong.” Hospitality of food should always be included in an extended program, even if it consists of a simple snack. Young adolescents are rapidly growing and are often hungry after just a couple of hours.

¨ Promote inclusion. Inclusion of all young adolescents needs to be a value within programming, and it also is a goal of advocacy beyond the youth program. When events are planned as parish wide activities, how are the unique needs of young adolescents considered and included? Find appropriate ways to involve young adolescents in as many aspects of parish life as possible. If the women’s group is making sandwiches for the homeless shelter, why not ask if interested young adolescents could join them in their effort. (Be sure there is someone involved who understands the nature of young adolescents so expectations for behavior are reasonable.) How are young adolescents acknowledged and involved in the parish Liturgy? Periodically include a prayer petition that addresses the needs of this age and invites the community to pray for them. When the parish recognizes and appreciates the volunteers of the community, are the volunteer efforts of the young adolescents included? When the parish picnic is planned are activities offered that would actually interest young adolescents?

¨ Set reasonable expectations. You will know the expectations are reasonable when they are based on the developmental level of the adolescents, not the needs of the adults. Young adolescents have an average attention span of about ten minutes, so expecting them to sit and listen for forty-five minutes is not reasonable. They need physical activity and ways to be actively involved in programs. They also need specific and clear limits. If certain areas are off-limits, or certain behaviors are unacceptable, then you need to tell them that at the outset of the program. Involving them in setting expectations that will help everyone feel comfortable is an effective way to assure they are invested in the guidelines. Remember they have a high need for fun and friends (as well as food!), so consider these in planning activities that will be “young adolescent friendly.”

¨ Designate a space. Find a space that can be identified as “for young adolescents.” It may be as little as a section of bulletin board in the church entry reserved for “young adolescent news”, a corner of the church bulletin, or if space permits, a room set aside for youth. The important thing is that they know somewhere they will find information on activities just for them (and their parents). Or it may include a basketball hoop placed in the parking lot. This not only lets the young adolescents know the parish recognizes they exist, but it also consistently reminds the parish that young adolescents are an important part of the community.

¨ Program ways to connect. Include in your programming intentional ways to stay connected with young adolescents, and connect them with each other. Mailing birthday cards and newsletters is one way to get the word out that young adolescents matter. Establish an outreach team that attends young adolescent events in the area. This may consist of parents who are already involved in such activities and will take responsibility for encouraging not only their own child, but other young adolescents from the parish. Place an “ideas box” in the church entry for young adolescents to make suggestions about ways they would like to be involved, or activities they’d like to help plan. Develop a telephone ministry team with an adult calling six to eight young adolescents to keep them informed, and to offer encouragement. Include young adolescents as peer callers as well. Organize a carpool resource list by providing phone numbers of families living in the same area so they can stay connected for arranging rides to and from activities, and develop a parent support network in their neighborhood. Provide structured ‘get to know you” activities during programs that encourage young adolescents to meet and connect with each other.

¨ Promote random acts of kindness. Pick one week (perhaps exam week) and suggest, or even challenge the adults in the community to perform a random act of kindness toward a young adolescent. Some suggestions could include leaving a “pop and a prayer” on their doorstep, stopping to say hello and giving a compliment, giving them a “good luck with studies” note attached to a bag of chips, or offering to do one of their chores for no reason but to give them an unexpected break. Or stop by a school bus stop with a big bag of Tootsie rolls to share with a note attached that says “it will take the best in each of us to make the best world for all of us.” (This should be done when you know at least one of the youth, since you do not want to encourage accepting things from strangers.)

FaithWays – Coordinator Manual, Section Five

Task Roles

Initiating

    • What: Proposing task or goals; defining a group problem; suggesting procedure or ideas for getting the task accomplished.
    • When: At the beginning of a session, when the session bogs down, or when the group needs direction or new direction.
    • How: Define the task; suggest a method or process for accomplishing the task; provide a structure for the session.

“It seems like we are being asked to …”,
“Does it seem like a good idea to begin by…?”

Information or Opinion Seeking

    • What: Requesting facts; seeking relevant information about a question or concern; asking for suggestions, ideas or opinions.
    • When: Problem solving, decision making, action planning, group discussion.
    • How: Ask for more facts; collect data; seek individual opinions, ideas and suggestions.

“What are the likely solutions?”,
“Mary, what do you think of that idea?”,
“What else do we need to know before we can proceed?”

Clarifying

    • What: Interpreting or reflecting ideas and suggestions; clearing up conclusions; indicating alternatives and issues before the group; giving examples, defining terms.
    • When: Any time the group discussion becomes too vague, too general or lacks focus; when a lot of information has been put out.
    • How: Ask for clarification of an example; build on the ideas of others; clarify an idea based on your understanding; try to develop timid suggestions and half stated ideas into fully developed possibilities.

“What I think I hear you saying is ___”,
“Robert, can you explain your idea a bit more,”
“Cecilia, do you see how that idea relates to what Luis said earlier?”

Summarizing

    • What: Pulling together related ideas; restating suggestions after the group has discussed them; offering a decision or conclusion for the group to accept or reject.
    • When: At each transition in the session, when many different ideas or proposals are being considered, when the group gets off track; at the end of a session/ discussion.
    • How: Restate the points, decisions, action plans or common themes of the discussion; remind the group of the process or method being used.

“Let’s take a minute to look at the main themes that are arising in our discussion”
“It looks like the main points being raised are ___”
“Remember that each person needs to offer a suggestion before we begin an open discussion.”

Consensus Testing

    • What: Checking with the group to see how much agreement has been reached and how ready the group members are to consider a decision.
    • When: Problem solving, decision making, action planning.
    • How: Poll the group on an issue or decision to determine whether a consensus already exists.

“Are there any objections to using creative brainstorming to identify potential solutions for our problem?”
“Is there agreement that…?”

Maintenance/Relational Roles

Maintenance roles refer to the actions of individuals that help preserve the relationships in a group.

Encouraging

    • What: Being friendly, warm, and responsive to others; accepting others and their contributions; regarding others by giving them an opportunity to contribute or be recognized.
    • When: Regularly.
    • How: Give recognition for contributions to the group, point out the accomplishments of the group.

“That was a really good suggestion, Chris. Thanks.”
“We have accomplished a lot today. Thanks.”

Harmonizing

    • What: Attempting to reconcile disagreements; reducing tension, getting people to explore their differences.
    • When: When the group cannot reach consensus, when conflict of ideas, opinions or personality is preventing progress.
    • How: Articulate the common elements in conflicting points of view.

“What can we do to get you to support this? What can we all agree on?”
“We seem to be stuck. What can we do to move the discussion along?”

Expressing Group Feelings

    • What: Sensing feelings, mood, relationships within the group; sharing one’s own feelings with other members.
    • When: When the group is having trouble making a decision, when you sense a conflict in the group, as a check-in to see how the group is doing.
    • How: Verbalizing what you see as the feelings, mood, tension in the group. Openly acknowledging your own feelings about what is going on in the group.

“I am sensing that there is some tension in the room. does anyone else feel it?”
“It seems like some people have withdrawn from this discussion. Is that something we need to discuss?”

Gatekeeping

    • What: Helping to keep communication channels open: facilitating the participation of others, suggesting procedures that permit sharing remarks.
    • When: Whenever you want to hear from the more silent members of the group, whenever you want to prevent a participant from dominating the discussion.
    • How: Ask an individual for their opinions or the information; be sensitive to the non-verbal signals indicating that people want to participate; when a person monopolizes the conversation, ask others for input

“Jeff, did you want to share something?”
“Thanks for your input, Robin. I would like to know what the rest of you think.”

Compromising

    • What: When your own ideas or status is involved in a conflict, offering a compromise which yields status; admitting error, modifying ideas in interest of group cohesion or growth.
    • When: When the group is stuck, when trying to make a decision and there are opposing views.
    • How: Offering suggestions for getting unstuck; asking the group members to figure out a compromise.

“I guess this method may not be the best for accomplishing this task. Shall we try Kim’s idea?”
“I feel like we are stuck with two opposing views, what can we do to reach a compromise?”

Standard Setting and Testing

    • What: Checking whether the group is satisfied with its procedures; suggesting new procedures when necessary.
    • When: When the group first meets together, whenever the norms that are developing prevent the group from functioning effectively.
    • How: Help group define its ground rules; remind group of the standards they established for themselves anytime when those rules are ignored or broken.

“How do we want to operate as a group?”
“Seems like our ground rules have been forgotten. Should we take a few minutes and revisit them?”
“I just want to remind you of the ground rules we set up in the beginning.”

Hindering Roles

Hindering roles refer to actions of individuals that hinder the group’s process and progress.

Dominating

    • Behavior: Asserting authority or superiority to manipulate the group or certain members; interrupting contributions of others; controlling through use of flattery or patronization.
    • Solution: Establish a procedure whereby each person contributes one idea to the discussion and then must wait until every other group member does the same before contributing again; interrupt the dominator, ask him/her to summarize the point quickly so that others can add their ideas, too.

“Thank you for giving us all those ideas, Erin. Let’s hear from others in the group now.”

Withdrawing

    • Behavior: Removing self psychologically or physically from the group; not talking; answering questions only briefly.
    • Solution: Do not let conflicts remain unresolved; talk with the person privately to find out what is happening; direct questions to and solicit ideas from the avoider so this person stays involved.

“Carol, I have noticed that you haven’t been as involved in the group lately. Is everything O.K.?”

Degrading

    • Behavior: Putting down others’ ideas and suggestions; deflating others’ status; joking in a barbed or sarcastic way.
    • Solution: When your group first gets together, review your contract and ground rules with them, highlighting the rule that all ideas will be accepted; the first time someone criticizes another person, reinforce this rule.

“You have a point, but we need to solve our problem, not attack each other’s ideas.”

Uncoooperative

    • Behavior: Disagreeing and opposing ideas; resisting stubbornly the group’s wishes for personally oriented reasons; using hidden agenda to thwart group progress.
    • Solution: Incorporate statements in the original guidelines that deal with cooperation and interruptions, encourage this person to explain reasons behind his/her objection; look for any aspect of the position that supports the group’s ideas so that this person moves from left to center field; refocus his/her participation as a recorder or process observer; ask the group to deal with this uncooperative behavior.

“It seems like we may be forgetting the ground rules we set up as a group. Should we take a few minutes to revisit them now?” “Sandy, that is an interesting view. Could you explain how you came to those conclusions?”

Side Conversations

    • Behavior: Whispering, giggling and having private side conversations with another person.
    • Solution: Set guidelines and expectations at the beginning of the process, stop the session and comment that it is difficult for you to hear the other discussion or to concentrate on the topic at hand with side conversations occurring; privately talk with the distracters and discuss their expectations for the session’s topics; empower others to confront the distracters with how these side conversations keep everyone from concentrating on the group’s discussion.

“I am having trouble focusing on the discussion with the side conversations going on. Is anyone else experiencing this?”
“It is difficult to focus on the discussion with side conversations going on. Can we agree that we will all focus on the main discussion?”
“I sense we are losing people’s attention and interest, can we do a check-in to see where people are on this topic?

The Device Distraction

    • Behavior: Using a device during a session..
    • Solution: Set guidelines and expectations at the beginning of the that cellphones and other devices are to be stowed during the session.  [Although some sessions have a time when using a device is a part of the session.]

“I am hoping that everyone is a part of this community, let’s stow away all of our devices.  If they phone continues to distract you, let’s just turn it off for this session.

Based on the work of Ann Porteus

Resources:

Group Dynamics PowerPoint

Task and Relationship Survey page 1

Task and Relationship Survey page 2

Muth, Jon.  Stone Soup,

Roles People Play in Groups:  https://web.stanford.edu/group/resed/resed/staffresources/RM/training/grouproles.html#initiate

Task and Relationship Questionnaire;  https://static.virtuallabschool.org/atmt/self/TC.Self_3.ExperiencesActivities_E1.RelationshipQuestionnaire.pdf